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Welcome to the Atheists in Recovery Podcast, where we talk about finding hope in recovery. And now your host, Dr. Adina Silvestri
Adina Silvestri 0:10
Konichiwa Guys, and Welcome to Episode 69 of the Atheists in Recovery podcast. And this month, we're starting a care package for the holidays series. And so there'll be a couple of movie reviews during this month. And they'll also be some new guests and some past guests coming on. And we'll be talking about if not movies, we'll be talking about how to navigate the holidays in recovery. And I want to start us off during this month with a movie. So if you listen to my previous episodes, you know that I love as much as I love book reviews. I also love movie reviews. I love movies, because they can teach us they can transform us and they really can move us. And you know, it's something that you could think about, you could talk about it with others with your friends. with yourself. I actually even have a movie club that I started throughout the pandemic, this is a way to connect with with my friends. So 28 days. Oh, and before I get to the to the movie review, I also want to encourage you to listen and to the end of this podcast episode as I've created a little tool for you guys that I think a free tool for you guys that I think you that you might like. So I will talk more about that at the end of the episode and give you a link so that you can check it out. Okay, on to the movie review. 28 days when I think about 28 days with Sandra Bullock. I think about her character, I think about how flawed she is. But also how loved she is despite those flaws. And of course she doesn't. She doesn't see that in the beginning. And with those flaws, she tries to hide them with excuses and lies and defense mechanisms. Very common for anyone that's not done the internal work that you sometimes need to do. And what's also interesting about Sandra Bullock slash Gwen is how she's really trying hard to deflect those those flaws. And she usually does that through humor. And so there is there is some humor in this movie, which I really appreciate. So, so let's talk about Quinn. So Tony days starts with when Cummings who is a New Yorker or New York writer, she partied all night with her boyfriend, Jasper. This is sort of her life. She partied all night with alcohol with drugs with sex. And this first scene of the movie is when they wake up from the night of partying and and the and the drinks still continue as she's still downing drinks as she is getting ready to leave for her sister's wedding. She's late, of course. And she falls into the wedding cake, and then decides that she's going to get into a car and drunk and drive to get the wedding cake replacement. And she drives right into somebody's house. And so that's sort of where we, where we then cut to, to the rehab center. So she arrives at rehab, it was either jail or rehab until she decided to go to rehab, but she didn't really decide. Yeah, it was like, which one of these is the is the lesser evil. And as you've probably guessed, if you haven't seen the movie, she's in denial and she doesn't feel like she has a problem. It's everybody else that has the problem. Not her. She's in great health even though she you know, she carries around a bottle of Vicodin everywhere she goes and and that's the thing with you know that as I'm sure you know, with any with any treatment, if someone is forcing you to do it, you're not going to get anything out of it or not nearly as much and I see that in the therapy room as well. If you know if your husband is trying to get you to go to therapy, if your wife is trying to get you if your best friend if your boyfriend whomever it's it's just not you don't want to be in that headspace. You're just not going to get anything out of it. No matter what,
what people around you are telling you. You know you have to you have to want to do the work. I mean, it's it's work. It is work and so she's in this rehab. She doesn't have a problem, right? She's telling everyone she has a problem. Until The point in which she can't be alone in her room, it's it's so hard for her to be alone. She's she has all these flashbacks of her childhood. And she decides that earlier she decided to throw out this bottle of like it and she decides that she's going to just go grab it now she she needs it, she can't she can't be without it. So she just she just jumps out of a window. And as you can imagine, this does not end well for for Gwen. And this is really where the the journey of healing begins for for Gwen. And you know the the the next point that I want to make about this movie is the codependency element in this movie, the intergenerational trauma and when she's when Gwen is flashing back as she does in a lot of these scenes, she is thinking about mom, she's thinking about mom is an alcoholic. A how that was her life growing up where, you know, mom would say, if you're not having fun, then what's the point she would tell Gwen and her and her older sister. And they were times where mom would just pass out and Gwen would have to go to her and slap around the face to get her to wake up. And that that was sort of normal. That was normalized for the family, which I thought was was really interesting. And so the codependency plays a strong theme in this movie, if it's not with Gwen and her sister. It's with grant Gwen and her boyfriend, Jasper. So Jasper comes her visits. To see Gwen at the at the rehab center brings her some vikan brings her some alcohol really just doesn't think that she has a problem and proposes to her and this is sort of wouldn't work when starts to turn the corner a little bit and just says, Wait a minute, what are you doing with me, I'm such a mess. And he proposed to me at a rehab. So they sort of they sort of are leaning on each other. And you know if Jasper doesn't want to admit that Gwen is a problem, because then that means that Jasper too has a problem, you know, then I have to look in. Because I'm doing this, I'm living the same life as you. So if, if you're saying there's something wrong with your life, um, there's something wrong with with our life and the life that we share together. And that's, and that's something that I see often in my practice as well. You know, if one person decides that they're going to get sober, really, it has to be the couple that gets sober. It really has to be the environment that can be conducive to sobriety. It's so important guys. And especially in the beginning, I don't know any other way really. And so we see that codependency weaving its way through, we see the trauma coming in and out of the flashbacks. And the other point I want to make is regret. So there is definitely regret for anybody. But I feel fat when you've done a lot of damage to yourself to others. That that sense of stay with you. And I and I see that a lot. And so, with Gwen, she's made a lot of mistakes. She's, you know, she admits, while she doesn't admit it to others outwardly In fact, when one of her fellow mates, Edie decides to talk about his horrible behaviors in the past and in prompts Gwen? Yeah, what's your problem? Like? What What have you done? Give me one year, one of your greatest hits, she decides not to say anything she just doesn't want to talk about it gets really angry gets really nasty with Edie. And later, she, she goes up to him and tells tells him why. You know, I don't want to admit these things. If I'm admitting these past mistakes, if I'm admitting these failures, then it's all gonna come back. You know, you're gonna think less of me. What kind of person does this you know, she's saying all these things to Eddie, who does this? Who leaves a child in the car for a couple hours? You know, not not good people, you know, and he's telling her I, you know, there's no judgment. I'm not judging you. And so that's,
I think that that's a really lovely point in this movie. And I think that that's something that we can really glean from is our past is our past guys. We are not our past. We're not we are not these horrible mistakes and behaviors that we've made. Could you imagine if that's all we were, if you know if that's that was that was the end of our story. We would never get out of bed we wouldn't ever survive. And so I see a lot of people just sort of stuck in this anxiety. in this in this depression because of their past, and that doesn't have to be you, you really can move forward. It's it's work, obviously, but even the language that you use, you know, I'm an addict, I'm an alcoholic, you know that stuff I really drives me crazy is really just trying to focus on and who and your future self who you want to be and make that reality. A fact. Okay. The other point I like is, and I and I think that the movie doesn't do a great job of this, but you know, don't look for the causes of your addiction. So there's a scene where Gwen's sister is talking to her at rehab and Gwen sisters so angry at her for ruining her wedding and doing all these other things, just just having to be that sister, right, that loved one that watches the person that they care most about just burn their life to the ground and, and really just not knowing what to do about it. And so sister is looking for, for reasons, you know, I wasn't a great Sister, I didn't really take care of you. And I don't think that was a great was a great scene in the movie, because I don't think that as, as a family members, we should be doing that we shouldn't be blaming ourselves. You know, we're not the cause of our loved ones suffering. We're not the cause of them becoming an addict. And so acknowledging the pain is one thing, but saying that you're the cause I don't agree with that. But there was a great scene towards the end, you know, where they sort of just acknowledged each other's pain and embraced and, you know, the sister says, You know, I wasn't there for you. And Gwen says, Why don't ask for help. And then the sister responds, yes, but we all need help. Even if you don't think that you do you do, you know, and I loved I love that, you know, I think that even you know, we pride ourselves, especially in the US for being independent for having a, you know, being able to do it all and, and nobody has that kind of ability. Everybody needs help. Everyone needs a hand. Yeah, so that's all I'll say about that. And then life after rehab, as Gwen leaves the rehab, the group breaks into song, which I love, and they, they started singing, instead of singing their normal song that they would sing for for everybody else, you know, when they sing a special song for Gwen, which was really cute. It was Jeremiah was a bullfrog, because, you know, Gwen had definitely made her mark, you know, to to let everybody know that she was, she didn't really buy into the, the chanting and everything. So they sing a different song. Jeremiah was a bullfrog that was really kind of nice. And then you start to see a different Gwen as she's leaving, and you're left kind of left to wonder, as the last scene plays, you know, what is life like? We know at the very end that Jasper does make an attempt to be with her. He vows he's going to change. But then two scenes later, he's asking her to go hang out with the friends they used to party with. And so really, it's good. It's probably not best for for Gwen. And so she, she gets that and she breaks up with him. That's hard, right? I mean, when we're in the beginning of recovery, we want to have our friends around us but but if those friends are still drinking and gauging the behaviors that that got us to the place that we're at, we need to let go. We need to let go and trust that we will make new friends. And I get that that is hard. So we're just sort of left to hang out with our imagination as to what happens after we have we don't know. And so that I don't love that I want there to be a 28 day sequel. But do you guys agree? You know, are there any movies about life after rehab? What happens next? You know, I want the gritty, dirty details in a movie form with with actors, but yeah, I I'm curious.
So I think that that is my review for 28 days. Let me know what you think of the movie, if you've seen it. And before you go, I want to share with you this new tool. I get asked all the time, you know, what are some resources to help me in my recovery journey? And I think that learning from others is really helpful. I think that you also need to build a life that was that's more rich Then the life you had while you were drinking or doing drugs, that's also crucial. And so there's this product that I'm obsessed with. And I'm only going to promote products that I use and that I love. And this product is called audible. I'm sure you've heard of it. And so I love it for many reasons. I'm not going to go into them, but I did make a video for you guys talking about all the reasons that I love it. And I've also underneath the video listed the top 10 air memoirs, and you could find that at atheist recovery.com/audible A U D I B L E. And you can also support the podcast by utilizing one of the affiliate links on that page. Again, the link to the top recommended memoirs is atheistsinrecovery.com /audible. Okay, guys, thanks for listening. Bye.
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