By: Bunny Young, MA, QMHP

M&M’s of Courage

A jar full of M and M’s sits on the counter with exactly 83 pieces of candy left in it. I walk past it each and every morning and know that as soon as my daughter gets up, even before she has breakfast, she is going to see the jar and ask “How many more candies until daddy comes home?” This was an idea I stole from Pinterest to try to ease her anxiety and give her realistic goals and visual progress that a calendar just can’t provide a three-year-old. Each day we get through with daddy gone is rewarded with candy. When there is no more candy the ultimate reward comes, Daddy is finally home.

For months at a time military families can experience a sharp transition from being a team to being a single parent and handling a child or children who are suffering from missing their parent. There is a cyclical mourning process that quite frankly I do not hope that my child ever gets used to. As a military wife, I adjust and create a “new normal” in our household. When I finally get the hang of it, he comes home and disrupts our system and most times is frustrated by the weeks it takes for him and I to settle back into our family normal and he find his way back to husband and father.

To support our children during these military transitions, here are 4 strategies to combat separation anxiety:

1. Talk to them when the orders come
   Let them know when their parent is scheduled to leave, look at a calendar with them and set some appropriate expectations well ahead of time.
2. Write letters
   Have the children begin to engage in writing letters, drawings, and other artful expressions that the deploying parent can take with them so that children are aware that a part of them is traveling with their parent and they will know that their parent is thinking of them
3. Skype as normal
   Have the computer or phone at the dinner table, or around a game table. Include the deployed parent in conversations on a regular basis with the children so that it helps keep both parent and child engaged in the relationship
4. Record messages
   When live chatting is not available, honor what the child is experiencing or feeling in that moment by recording the message and committing to share that message later with the parent. This validates the child’s feelings and keeps the other parent aware of what is happening in your world.
5. Connect with FRGs and other families
   Family Readiness Groups can offer support and ideas for families that are experiencing deployment or separation. Having regular opportunities to engage with other military families and especially children, will assist with sharing concerns and emotions in a social environment that is comfortable with them.

Thank you to all of those that serve our country whether in uniform or at home. Your service to our country is appreciated and supported. We love working with military families and active service members. Click here to schedule your next appointment! How do you combat separation anxiety with your child? Please share your tips on our Facebook page.