(Disclaimer: This transcript is using AI technology. Please excuse any errors.)
Welcome to this special Writing Bravely podcast series where we write our way through to the other side. I'm your host, Dr. Adina Silvestri join me here and at writingbravely.com to talk about how a creative act like writing can move us through the healing process.
Adina Silvestri 0:25
Hello all and welcome to episode six of the writing bravely podcast series. And today we are talking about how to cultivate a resilience mindset from break down to break through. And a quote that I really love that lends itself to this podcast episode is people who are resilient, allow themselves to be changed by the experience of adversity. To be resilient is not to avoid difficulty, but to play an active role in how difficulty transforms you. Kelly McGonigal, PhD health psychology Stanford University. I really love resilience, podcast episodes and writing about resilience mindset because there is no way that any of us is going to get through this life without experiencing pivotal events without experiencing some trauma without experiencing really difficult times. And having a resilience mindset is one of the best tools I think you can have in the toolbox. And what I found, over my decades of experience in the mental health behavioral health fields is that if one can focus their attention on resilience, and trying times, like now, it shows that they can handle almost anything, it's a learned capacity to cope. And resilience I feel is as important to our well being is Josh Allen is to the Buffalo Bills. Yep, I did it. I added a bill's reference. I've been wanting to do that for a while now guys. Okay, so three things to remember about resilience. And I've adapted some of this from Linda Graham, who has written books on resilience mindsets. Her stuff is really good. Number one, skills and strategies of resilience are always trainable. Every human being learns from experience. Our neuroplasticity ensures that we can learn and change and grow. Even from especially from difficult experiences, we can essentially turn breakdowns into break throughs. Number two, the core of resilience is flexibility. You wouldn't be in therapy or thinking about alternative forms of therapy, like writing or art, or creative or any creative act, you wouldn't be listening to this podcast if you're not open to testing new theories and ideas in a safe space. People who are resilient, remain flexible and how they think about challenges, and flexible and how they react to stress. Another quote that I really like is from Frankie Perez. How you respond to the issue is the issue. I'm thinking of someone that I've worked closely with in the past or several someone's, as I think about constructing this case study. And we'll give her a name. We'll call her Betty. And so Betty has been through it. She's had big traumas, little traumas and everything in between. But the reason that she's coming to see me is that she lost her significant other. They had been together for decades. And she lost him she lost him and it was a sudden loss and it was a terrible loss. And the thing that keeps her going and the thing that she tells me that Betty tells me keeps her going is hope. You know she has optimism and hope for the future. She knows that things are never going to be the same. She knows that she's always going to be impacted by this loss. She knows that Her heart is going to heal, eventually.
And she also has the confidence that she can get through this. She's done hard things before, just like all of you listening to this podcast, she's done hard things before she can do this, too. She doesn't want to do this. And she'll tell you, she doesn't want to do this. But she has a lot of other things going for her. She has a lot of protective factors. She has family that loves her friends that love her, she has a job, she has things that are keeping her going, which is great. And then there's also the willingness to think about this as a challenge. You know, we look at some of these really difficult emotions that she's experiencing, not just grief, that would be simple. If it was just grief, but it's not, you know, it's anger. It's anger at life. You know, it's anger at the situation. It's anger at the drunk driver that took out her beloved, you know, it's anger at all of these things. It's loneliness to, it's definitely all it's just so many different things. And so as these feelings come up, she's never saying, Okay, I'm done. This is too hard. I mean, I'm sure she thinks it. But she's always like, Okay, we have to get through this, how can we best get through this emotion at this point in my life right now. And so. And I talked about this flexibility mindset, I believe in an episode one writing briefly episode one, and I'll link to it in the show notes. But you know, these blue, these three beliefs really interact and complement each other in a way that multiplies their individual impact, and produces this robust conviction, this mindset that, in fact, says I will find a way to heal. I may not like it, it may be hard. And at times, they may just want blanket therapy, which I also get, but I'm going to find a way through this. And then the last one is, choosing how you respond to resilience is essential. When learning any new skill, practice, of course, is essential over time. These new patterns represent a resilience mindset. We expect to meet any difficulty any disaster because we know we can. So that sort of points to what we talked about with the resilience framework. Practicing is essential. Practicing when this these feelings come up, just being aware of them, accepting them without judgment. Like with the case of Betty, she's accepting these emotions. She's accepting them. She's not saying, you know, wow, it's it's been two years since my beloved has passed. I should I should be over this. Nope, she's not doing that. Sometimes she might. But at the end of the day, she's letting things pass through her just like any feeling, guys, you know, we've talked about this in the atheists and recovery podcast. Just like any feeling, it has a beginning, middle and an end. It'll pass through you. As long as you're not stuffing it down. As long as you're not running from it. As long as you're not using substances or behaviors, maladaptive behaviors to cope, it'll pass and in time, these sequences will go a lot quicker. So how can you find your own resilience practice? Well, if football is not your preferred choice, like it might be mine. You can do any other creative act, you can join a book club. Maybe you can join a book club and join a writing club. Maybe you can join a writing club with me. You knew that was coming guys, right? Head over to writing brealey.com To learn more about writing with me. And if you like what you see, maybe even schedule a call to see if we would be a good fit. And the group is starting soon. The end of June. Okay guys, thanks for listening. Bye.
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People who are resilient allow themselves to be changed by the experience of adversity. To be resilient is not to avoid difficulty but to play an active role in how difficulty transforms you.
-Kelly McGonigal, PhD, health psychologist, Stanford University
Welcome to today’s show!
I’ve found that if one can focus their attention on resilience in these trying times, it shows that they can handle almost anything-it’s a learned capacity to cope!
Resilience is as important to our well-being as Josh allen is to the Buffalo Bills. 🙂
WHAT WE’LL LEARN
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