(Disclaimer: This transcript is using AI technology. Please excuse any errors.)

Music 0:04
Welcome to this special Writing Bravely podcast series where we write our way through to the other side. I'm your host, Dr. Adina Silvestri join me here and at writingbravely.com to talk about how a creative act like writing can move us through the healing process.

Adina Silvestri 0:24
Hola all, and welcome to episode four of the writing bravely podcast series. And today we are talking about recovering from narcissistic abuse. This is a topic that I've never talked about, I don't think I've even blogged about it. But it's something that in my professional career I've seen over and over again, and I feel social media. Out of all the topics that social media does well on. They do a horrible job with narcissistic abuse feels like a lot of victim blaming, in the social media threads that I see. And so this post is hopefully going to clear up some of those myths about what is narcissism? We're going to talk about how not everyone's ex is a narcissist. And we're also going to talk about how you heal after after a relationship with a narcissist. I think that's really important is to really understand what life is like post narcissistic relationship. And maybe this isn't about a relationship with a partner or romantic relationship. Maybe it's happening in your familiar life. Maybe it's happening with parents or aunts or uncles or siblings. So let's talk about that for a little bit. And let's just jump right in. So what is narcissism? Narcissism is more than just being in love with oneself or being self centered. An ex partner could have been arrogant and self absorbed in relationship, but unfaithful, and maybe even casually moved on after a breakup. But actually, none of these indicate a personality disorder. None of them and you'll see this over and over again in social media. narcissism, like most mental health disorders occur on a spectrum. According to leading narcissism expert Dr. RAMANI narcissism is characterized by key patterns. So lack of empathy, entitlement, grandiosity, superficiality, arrogance, admiration seeking difficulties with emotional regulation, propensity to envy, and difficulties with self esteem regulation. This is a really great indicator if you also feel like you need to voice record conversations within your relationship, because your partner is maybe denying they never said this, and really just denying any wrongdoings ever, what are you talking about? I never said that. That is a key key that you might be in a narcissistic relationship. Another metaphor I like is the relationship is akin to looking into a mirror and seeing nothing looking back at you. That's a good one. So it's just really important to understand that narcissism is a collection of patterns and traits. So a collection of patterns and traits and to take any responsibility off of of you. So let's say you've tried to be the partner they needed. You did you really tried. But when it's gone, when it's over, you really feel like you've lost yourself Who are you, you tried to be everything to this person and you lost yourself in the process. That's something that I see over and over again, people coming in for help and for healing into my practice, and the most important part of the healing process is that survivors the ones that you know, are, quote unquote, normal.

You'll undoubtedly lose people in the process. If you're if you're going through a divorce, and you're divorcing said narcissistic partner. You're gonna have people say, Well, I've never seen that. person do this, or I've never seen them act in that way. And you're gonna lose a lot of people. And it's just how, how it happens. And so that could be a good thing, you might actually start to free up some space in your lives for people that are worthy of you worthy of your time worthy of your energy. So there's a silver lining. And let's talk a little bit about that silver lining. The process of healing from narcissistic abuse, that's a tongue twister tends to unleash this raw and courageous authenticity. You begin recovering by dismantling these narratives. These old narratives that don't serve you like I'm unworthy, I'm unlovable, I'm no good. I'm a failure, I'm a loser, whatever those narratives are to you. And you start to replace them with more authentic ones. And just a couple of examples that I can think of. And ways that individuals have started to recover is maybe they were captain of their armed forces branch, maybe they were just a decorated soldier. And when the relationship ended, they felt defeated, they felt just like they've lost so much. They lost their identity. And they start to ask people to call them by their past. Name, you know, Captain, so and so. And maybe it was just friends and family, people that would get it. But it actually gave them a boost of self confidence. Another example would be that a person moves several states away, as snappy, so available to their narcissistic family members. And so when these family members specific member would call all day all night, really, quote unquote, needy wanting their time, at all costs. That person was not available, they were in a different timezone and could not pick up the phone. Another example that I've learned recently from someone saying how they've been able to move through this move through this pain of having to be in a relationship with these people. Narcissistic is throwing away these tired narratives of what a happy relationship looked like. Maybe an unhappy marriage an unhappy parental relationship. I mean, whatever that is to you, whatever that looks like to you. There are no templates for any of these things. And so to really take the blame off of oneself, I think, is really, really helpful. And one of the ways that I truly think is very accessible way to heal, would be to write, to journal to write to audio record, just to get things down, get things off your mind. And one example, with writing that can help heal these wounds is to write down every awful thing that happened with this relationship. Every awful thing, just the greatest hits, or the greatest losses, maybe however you want to phrase it. And if ever you think that you're being pulled back into this relationship, whether it be familial or romantic or whatever, getting pulled back into these abusive cycles, you just take out that list. Take it out, look over the greatest hits. And think okay, not for me. And you'll feel a huge amount of resolve. Another way is

instead of writing about the abuser, he never she never they did they didn't start to write your story. Start with the letter i i felt I did, I didn't. I'm going to do you know, start searching Dream Big starts to incorporate hope. That way you no longer in the victim seat. Using the letter i You become the protagonist in your own story. And I believe this helps to rebuild our self worth. Maybe even to create a new identity a stronger identity. And I believe I can help you do that. We can write our way through to your new identity. And you can start by heading over to riding bravely.com To learn more about riding with me, and maybe even schedule a call to see if you'd be a good fit for the group starting June 27. Alright guys, I hope you enjoyed learning about narcissistic abuse and what to do so that you do not lose yourself in the process. Thanks, guys. Bye.

Music 11:04
Thank you for listening to the Writing Bravely podcast series during the Writing Bravely community over at writingbravely.com