Life Cycles Counseling with Dr. Adina Silvestri

What Breakups Leave Behind

What Breakups Leave Behind

What Breakups Leave Behind

-Mayah Taylor, MA

Breakups are never easy. There’s so many emotions and feelings associated with a breakup. They can be significantly life altering. But what do breakups leave behind in their wake? How are the parties involved affected by a breakup?


The Art Of Revenge

Breakups can often be unpleasant, painful, and sometimes downright ugly. With the pain and hurt that comes with breaking up also comes anger and then revenge seeking. At our practice we have often seen clients experiencing revenge seeking feelings after a breakup. We often hear clients wish bad karma on their ex, wanting them to suffer as they are suffering. Many times we hear our clients speak about all the sacrifices they’ve made and wanting compensation for those sacrifices. We’ve noticed that after a break, people tend to go over and over in their minds things they’ve sacrificed, how unfair the breakup is, all the time and energy spent, and any negative moments experienced during the relationship. All these repetitive thoughts combined can contribute and fuel a person’s anger towards their ex and want revenge maybe as a form of payment or a vengeful plan of attack. You will swallow the poision and will wait to die.



During the relationship, you probably spent majority of your time with your significant other. You may have even made decisions based around your relationship. All your daily routines and plans have been intertwined with your significant other. When the relationship ends, everything changes and is disrupted. Loneliness can often occur during the aftermath of a relationship especially when there are no coping skills in place and no way to fill the emptiness or the void left behind.


Low Self Esteem

The loss of a relationship and rejection from another person can often take a toll on a person’s self esteem. After a breakup, it is possible for individuals to be left with shame, guilt, and self-blame. They may internalize these feelings causing them to feel like a failure, feel like they will never find love again, or that they’re unlovable. A breakup can often cause individuals to lose their sense of self and identity and require them to reestablish their identity as a single individual.


The Takeaway

Whatever breakups leave behind, you do not have to let them define you! Take time for yourself to engage in activities that support and heal you. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to take that guitar lesson. Or, maybe traveling is something that has been on your to-do list for some time. Reconnect with old friends, make new ones and hit the road! Your happiness, and your life depend on it.

Do you wonder if it is time to breakup? Learn about the signs that tell you it is time to breakup here. If you need help, we are here to support you! Please contact us here.

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